Testimonials
Schools, organizations, and students rave about Internet Safety Presenter Jesse Weinberger
“Big Mama, you’re right, I’m going to cut my device time and eat more dirt. My mom needs to do everything you say – she has no idea what’s really going on.”
“I have been a technology professional for 20 years and I thought I had a good understanding of what it meant to be safe on the internet. Jesse opened my eyes. Whether you are a technology novice or a so called expert, you will learn something that you will start applying immediately. ”
“Please accept our sincere appreciation for your outstanding presentation. Your session was a huge hit with the SRO and DARE officers. It was informative, funny, and irreverent, all the right ingredients for law enforcement. Since I’m from New Jersey I could really relate to your comments about your parents who were not big believers in coddling their children. Thank you for speaking to our group and sharing your time and talent to instruct so many of our school law enforcement.”
“Thank you for what you do. We needed this information to be drilled into us from the start. We didn’t know what we were doing.”
“This is the best presentation I’ve heard all year. I’ve learned so much it’s amazing. Thank you! PS You are very entertaining too. 🙂 ”
“Big Mama, I want to thank you – that was disturbing AND awesome all at the same time.”
“On behalf of the administration and Ramaz community, heartfelt thanks for a powerful and substantive presentation. We’re sure you have heard this countless time, but your dynamic speaking style, total command of the latest information about internet safety, and no nonsense, direct approach is such a winning combination. Cameras are being taped, apps are being deleted, parents are organizing, and the community is buzzing – all testimony to how effective you were. We couldn’t have hoped for more.”
“I sincerely thank you for coming to our community and talking to not only our children this week, but to us last night. Your message was priceless. I’m beyond grateful for the impact I saw in my 6th grade quiet son. He came home and spontaneously blurted out “Mom, I do know you love me!” My son thinks you’re great, that you’re “real”, and that he could tell that you cared. He sat down and unloaded all the anxiety he was carrying (at the age of 11) over how many of his friends are hiding apps and behavior, and that he can’t sleep sometimes because of what they tell him. Now we talk “real” every day. Thank you for all of this. My husband and I thank you!”
“Thank you very much! You were very educational and funny!”
“Jesse Weinberger is a presenter that all parents should be required to see! She tells it like it is, in a way that will scare you… in a good way! You must, must, must hear her tips on internet safety. I’m on Facebook and on Instagram… oh boy I had no idea! Jesse’s no nonsense approach and interactive delivery make this sometimes touchy subject fun and fact filled.”
“Thank you Jesse Weinberger for a fantastic Internet Safety presentation to our 4th and 6th grade Girl Scouts! You tackled the important topic of internet safety without boring the girls with statistics and sounding like a “mom”. The girls were laughing and asking questions – no small feat! I really appreciate the time you took with our group and encourage all parents to get up to speed on this important safety issue! “
“I wanted to personally thank you for your leadership while working with Kenston stakeholders this year. I was reflecting on your impact after both presentations. One of the main reasons parents showed up on Tuesday is because students clearly respect who you are and followed the orders to go home and talk to mom/or dad on what they learned. Your presentation skills are spot on, especially how you win over every audience with an authentic approach but also how you connect by sharing personal and family experiences that are real. Thanks again for your time!”
A Cleveland Teen is Murdered After a Facebook Argument – aka Internet Safety Basics: DON’T Feed the Trolls
In a Cleveland, Ohio suburb a mother is mourning the loss of her teenage son. He was stabbed to death right outside his home after a feud over a girl which the mother says escalated via Facebook. The suspected murderer made specific threats on Facebook that he was “coming to get” the young man.
If what this mother says turns out to be true, then this is a case which involves cyberbullying. The interesting aspect is the chosen platform – Facebook. Facebook’s connection structure is synchronous. This means that in order for you and I to be “friends” on Facebook we have to agree. You send me a “friend request” and I agree. If we do not agree, there is no connection.
Very often I’m asked what parents should do when cyberbullying arrives in their lives. Using this heartbreaking situation as an example:
If YOU do not know the “friend”, remove the connection
You give potential trolls ammunition to use against you (examples: problems at home, issues with school, illnesses, family deaths, personally identifying data, etc)
Tell your children to NOT answer back when threats are made – they should tell an adult and step away
Some social media platforms do not make “blocking possible” -but Facebook does
I have no idea if these tips would have helped this child, and I don’t know this family personally. All I know is that a child is dead and another one will likely spend a very, very long time in jail (which is appropriate). This tragedy might very well have occurred anyhow outside of the realm of social. In this particular case Facebook seems to have been a vehicle for communication of a threat and a continued festering of anger and cyberbullying.
Entire High School Football Team Gets Suspended Because of Cyberbullying on Ask.fm
Matt Labrum, the head football coach at Union High School in Roosevelt, Utah found out that a non-football player at his school was being bullied via the (very popular among tweens and teens) social media site Ask.fm.
For those of you who might not have heard, Ask.fm has been in the news many times in connection with cyberbullying and teen suicides. ASk.fm has been linked to the suicides of four teens in the UK and one in the United States.
The premise of Ask.fm is quite simple. Here is a sample scenario.
For this example we’ll call her Sally Smith from Topeka Kansas
Another user we’ll call Jenny Jones from Topeka Kansas
* Why are you such a whore?
* Why don’t you kill yourself?
* Do your parents hate you as much as everyone else?
The real danger of Ask.fm is in the anonymity of its structure. You never really quite know who is posting the question, and therein lies the problem. Tweens and teens feel free to post whatever they like, safe in the knowledge that there will never be any consequences. Or so it would seem.
In the Union High School example, once the head football coach found out that a non-football player was being bullied on Ask.fm he suspended the entire team. All 80 players on the team were forced to turn in all of their equipment and do a week’s worth of community service instead of practicing before a big game at the end of the week.
Yes the suspension only lasted one week, and yes they never missed a game. HOWEVER, I appreciate this coach for making it clear to these young men that bullying behavior would not be tolerated on his team.
This is really the bigger point:
Your children listen very closely when you make their lives stop on a dime. Monitor what they are doing online – learn what to look for. Then deliver the consequences…loudly and consistently.
I promise that it will make a difference.
Parents: Is your special needs child safe online? Internet Safety risks abound for the special needs student.
Are your special needs children and students safe on the Internet? How do you know?
Many of you know that I’ve been teaching children, parents, and school districts about Internet Safety and online risks for many years. Quite often I will be asked to donate some time to reach out to a particular group of at risk children.
I’ve spoken to children and parents at every end of the socioeconomic, geographic, and academic spectrum. One thread unites them all – you all want the best for our children….you all want to keep our children safe. But, most of the time you don’t know HOW to do that.
A few months ago after a presentation, an acquaintance of mine asked if I would come and speak at a summer camp for special needs children. This particular summer camp aims to provide their campers with practical life skills. Of course I said yes….
Special needs children need internet safety instruction, so do their parents (desperately)
This would be the first time I would be speaking to children who are not considered “typical” and I had NO idea what to expect. Upon arrival I realized quickly that I would be speaking to children at each end of the spectrum; some of the children had trouble communicating in a “typical” way, and others were chatterboxes. So far it felt exactly like speaking to any group of middle schoolers.
The children were split into smaller groups (that’s me in the photo gesticulating wildly as usual) and we were off. I began by explaining the difference between predators and prey. We used the example of a porcupine and how a porcupine makes it difficult for any would be predator by the clever use of his quills. We all have a gut-instinct when things feel wrong, I asked them to listen for that “sick stomach feeling” as the first sign to put up their quills.
As a parent do you understand the risks associated with sexting?
I asked the children if they knew what the term “sexting” meant. Almost 100% of these children had already heard about or seen sexted messages. In addition 100% of these children personally owned one or more internet-ready devices which they used with little or no parental supervision. Again, identical to most typical children.
I asked the children if they would ever be willing send a photo of “their junk” to someone else. Most of the children vehemently said: no, no, of course not. One child who quickly became one of my favorites – Will – hesitated. I asked his permission to use a pretend scenario. His enormous mischievous smile told me that he was up for just about anything.
Children are being charged as sexual predators for sexting other children
We made up a girlfriend for Will named ‘Suzie Q’ – when I described Suzie Q as being tall and blonde and very lovely, the other kids just howled with laughter. We created a scenario where Suzie Q is at a sleep-over (I hate sleepovers) and she asks, no BEGS, Will for a texted photo of his junk. And tells him that if she was really his girlfriend, that he would comply. “So, Will – what are you going to do? Do you send the photo, or do you lose the girlfriend?” To his credit, and still wearing an enormous smile, he said: “I don’t know, I think I might send it.” Which was as honest an answer as you can ask from a 14 year old boy. Typical or not.
So we ran the scenario all the way through to the point that Suzie Q receives the photo (at the wretched sleepover) and sends it along to all of her friends. So what, right? Well, the children (and a few counselors) were shocked to find out that a child can be charged with creation of child pornography for taking a photos of his OWN junk (as it were), the child who receives it can be charged with possession of child pornography AND distribution of child pornography if she sends it along to her friends.
Will kept smiling, but he did eventually say that he would not be sending on any photos of his junk. Again, the right answer from a great kid.
Cyberbullying, sexual predators, and being skeptical
All of the kiddos in my so-called atypical audience had personal experience with cyberbullying. They understood very easily what it feels like, smells like, and tastes like. They shared some of their real-world bullying stories and we then applied those to the cyber world and what they would look like. We discussed the use of Instagram (which I HATE for children) and Twitter (which I hate only slightly less for children).
When I got to the section on sexual predators, again, they were as easily fooled by my real-life scenarios as my typical middle school students. When they’re playing XBox Live or any other community gaming system, it would never occur to them that their virtual teammate is NOT an actual 14 year old, and might rather be a 45 year old predator from a different state. Why would anyone lie about that? We talked about sexual predators who want to do sexual harm to them and how those porcupine quills come in handy to defend themselves.
Teach your children how to be safe
At the end of this experience it struck me just how typical these children really were. All children aged 9-16 are gullible in their own way, they don’t assume that there are people in the world intent on doing harm to children, they don’t think that they might be putting themselves at risk by posting their phone number or sharing their passwords.
Cognitive or behavioral ability has no bearing on your responsibility as a parent or as an educator, particularly when as a society we’ve decided that it’s perfectly acceptable to leave children as young as 5 years old with web enabled devices and little or no supervision.
Teach your children to be skeptical. Teach them to listen to their gut instinct. Have provocative conversations about sex, sexting, and predatory behavior so that they can feel uncomfortable in a safe environment. Run through possible scenarios and role play what their answers and reactions might be.
And if they do not comply with your house rules – smash the phone with a hammer. That’s right, I said smash. Better the sound of smashing glass, than a call from the police that your child is missing. Forgive me if it sounds a bit melodramatic – it isn’t. Wake up.
Interestingly enough, this is exactly what I do with the typical kids. Proving again that there is more in this world that unites us, than what divides us.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Jannine and everyone at “camp”. I will never, ever forget my day with these amazing young men and women. I will carry their comments with me into other groups and presentations.
And a special thank you to my new BFF Scott, a camper, who said “My life philosophy is that mean people should be told that they are being mean.” Thank you Scott for reminding me that sometimes you just have to tell it like it is. Hugs to my new favorite campers!!!
Parents of teens WAKE UP! Fake Facebook account contributes to the abduction and murder of 15 year old Nichole Cable in Maine
15 year old Nichole Cable in an undated photo. Photo Credit: Penobscot County Sheriffs Department
These are the stories that make me want to shake every single parent that I know and scream WAKE UP!!
Nichole Cable was a lovely 15 year old from Maine. The night before she was abducted and murdered, Nichole complained to her boyfriend that a man named Kyle Dube groped and physically assaulted her. She was able to get away.
But here’s what she didn’t know. Kyle Dube created a fake Facebook account and had been communicating with Nichole under a different name. Nichole did NOT know that the man she thought she was communicating on Facebook was actually Kyle Dube.
Nichole unwittingly set a date and time to meet Dube’s alter ego at the end of the driveway of her own home. Apparently this “other person” promised Nichole free marijuana. Nichole walked down to the end of the driveway where Dube jumped out of the woods wearing a mask.
Nichole didn’t make it out alive. Soul achingly sad.
Read the full story on Huffington Post
Wake up parents of tweens and teens
Where to begin? We need to get educated about internet safety, and then educate our children.
We have no idea what this poor child’s parents are going through. We have no idea if they warned this lovely young woman about risky online behaviors. The point is moot. She’s gone. But we have the opportunity, as parents, to learn from this story- right here, right now.
In the 10 years I’ve taught Internet Safety to parents, children, and school districts I’ve explained the risks ad nauseum. Some kids get it – some parents get it – some schools get it. A great many do not let it sink in: this can be you, this IS you.
So what can YOU do to keep your children and families safe?
Say it, say it again, and then repeat.
If you feel like a CD stuck on repeat, then you’ll be doing this the right way. We’ve given children devices and walked away. We’ve assumed that a 15 year old girl (or 10 year old boy, or 19 year old woman) will have the sense to not be gullible or stupid.
They can’t – they don’t have the life experience to discern risky from cool, or skeptical from impolite.
The worst part about this story is that it is not the first and certainly will not be the last. Criminals and those who wish to do us harm will use whatever tools are at their disposal to carry out their plans. We have to be smart enough to be on the defensive and teach our children how to do the same.
Internet Safety for Parents: Being proactive is the only defense for your tweens, teens, and family
In the beginning (when the dinosaurs roamed) the big issues came as a result of the unchecked activity on AOL chat rooms. Chat rooms have always been fertile ground for would-be child sex predators.
We send our children off to their bedrooms with wi-fi and a laptop, tablet, or phone and consider them safe. They’re in their jammies after all.
The level of sophistication of social media platforms, multimedia devices (tablets and laptops), gaming systems (XBox Live), and of course telephones make connecting to anyone and everyone as easy as pushing a button.
Your single and only chance to protect yourself and your children is to become educated. New apps and social media platforms spring up literally daily and we have to keep up.
Over the years I have taught large groups (a few hundred at a time), and I’ve been asked by families to come do a “house visit” and reason with a child showing the beginning of at-risk behavior. I can put everything I’ve observed into two separate buckets:
Please spare me the “I have a good kid” speech. I’m sure you do. Congratulations. You must be very proud. In the meantime, assume he’s guilty and cross-examine him like he knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Because I can pretty much guarantee that given the right circumstances he is not beyond taking a picture of his junk and texting it. Seriously.
Don’t ask your daughter if she’s using SnapChat. Snoop through her IPhone, confirm she’s using SnapChat, and THEN ask her if she’s using it. If her answer doesn’t perfectly match the intelligence you gathered, we have a problem. But to achieve this step you *must get educated*
Being one step ahead is the only shot we collectively have of coming out the other end of this mine field alive. Education is the only option – I know it’s time consuming and you might not be a techy person and (waaa waaa waaa) it’s just so hard, but it is what it is.
The train is coming whether we like it or not. You can get run over, let it roll past you, or hop on board. Oh, and by the way – your kids are on the train…but they didn’t notice you standing there because they were texting at the time.
Get on board people!