-
Credit: Flickr: Pro Juventute Rachel Busman, PsyD recently published a Huffington Post article called Caught Your Kid Sexting, Now What?
Dr. Busman makes great points related to parent education; a point I stress when teaching parents, students, and school districts. Parents must become educated when it comes to their child’s actual digital life. Once educated, parents need to engage at every level of their child’s digital experience. And yes that means setting limitations (GASP!) and snooping.
- Is it hard? Yes.
- Is it exhausting? Yes.
- Do you have any other choice? No.
For the record
I take issue with just a few things in Busman’s article
- Tweens and teens no longer use Facebook. Seriously. If we’re going to talk about being educated about your child’s actual digital life, trust me – Facebook isn’t included in their repertoire of potential cootie-inducing-platforms. Put a closer eye to: Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, and Ask.fm
- Sexting is a felony. If your child takes a sexually suggestive photo of him/herself and sends it to someone else, even another child – your child may very likely be charged with a F-E-L-O-N-Y. And it’s happening every single day. Sexting is unlike alcohol use, breaking curfew, or other relatively minor youthful transgressions. Your child’s future is at risk, quite literally, at the hands of the device he is carrying in his back pocket.
- The reality of this situation is that teens are losing their: lives (via sextortion, suicide, and homicide), personal reputations, athletic and academic college scholarships, college acceptances, and in some cases their personal freedom as they go to jail or get listed on a child predator registry (or both). (Note: Yes, your little angel can be listed as a sexual predator if convicted of sexting which is actually a charge of creation, possession, and/or trafficking of child pornography – which will do wonders for their future career options.)
She said WHAT?
I agree with Busman when it comes to her points on : parent education and rule setting. But then, she says that if you do, in fact, catch your child sexting:
“Hard as it may be, you want your tone to be open and concerned — not angry and blaming, or shocked and horrified. You don’t want to start out by slapping on a bunch of restrictions. You’re not going to be able to have a real conversation if you do that, and kids will be more prone to do an end-run around the rules if they don’t feel that you understand them. Social media may not seem important to you, but it can seem like life or death to teenagers.”
OK, so this shocks me a little bit. I think I even sucked in my breath and muttered an “oh, HELL no”.
I happen to be a huge supporter of our teens and I love meeting your children when I present at schools all over the United States. The vast majority of these kids are smart and funny. They’re trying hard to just get through a life that seems like some sort of medieval obstacle course complete with swinging blades and burning bales of hay. Your children need your help. As a parent that “help” can sometimes require you to push, and other times pull.
Grab a Hammer
Busman recommends calm and NOT slapping on a bunch of restrictions. Really?
If I have done my part as a parent; if I have taken the time and effort to become educated as to my child’s digital life; if I have become engaged and asked all the right questions; if I have set rules and I’ve tried to be a good digital role model; if I have told my child to NOT take a photo of her junk, if my child KNOWS this…..and still she takes a photo of said junk? There will be no calm and there will be no discussion.
I’ve been teaching Internet Safety since 2003 and I’ve seen parents come and go by the score. And let me tell you this. If your do not make your child’s digital life stop on a dime the first time something happens? You’re cooked.
This is not the time for understanding, coddling, or anything else other than unadulterated consequences. For me, that requires smashing the phone with a hammer. That’s it. Done. There have got to be consequences within your home. If your child knows the rules and breaks them, feel free to break the phone.
I agree with Busman’s point that :
Social media may not seem important to you, but it can seem like life or death to teenagers.
My response? Your child broke the family contract. If their digital social life is so critical to their well being, then they should NOT have broken the contract. When are your children supposed to understand actual life consequences if you don’t provide them in the home? The real world is NOT going to be filled with calm and understanding: police officers, prosecutors, landlords, or even in-laws.
Sexting is not alcohol, it’s not drugs, or even sex – which could potentially be “dabbled in” as a course of becoming an adult; a sort of “learning lessons” along the way.
If you do not provide these consequences at home your local prosecutor and online sex predator would be more than happy to do so in your place. But I promise you, you won’t like the results.
Read more from the Internet Safety Blog
- Orange City Schools – Brady Middle School ROCKS At Not Becoming Sheep
- Thank you St. Albert the Great Parish & School For Presenting Internet Safety Presentation for Parents
- An Open Letter to Teens Who Use Ask.fm; Read, Post, & Share
- VIDEO: Internet Safety: Before you buy your child a digital device – think safety
- VIDEO: Internet Safety Expert : Jesse Weinberger on WKYC-Cleveland to Discuss Cyberbullying and Internet Safety
- Internet Safety: Best Parenting Practices to Keep Children, Tweens, and Teens Safe in the Digital World
- Internet Safety for Parents: Being proactive is the only defense for your tweens, teens, and family
- Parents of teens WAKE UP! Fake Facebook account contributes to the abduction and murder of 15 year old Nichole Cable in Maine
- Entire High School Football Team Gets Suspended Because of Cyberbullying on Ask.fm
- A Cleveland Teen is Murdered After a Facebook Argument – aka Internet Safety Basics: DON’T Feed the Trolls
- California Senate Bill 568: The “Eraser Bill” Will Accidentally Hurt the Cause of Internet Safety
- Adults and Kids: Stop Being Stupid. The “Gonna-Be” Posts Are Going To Get You: Robbed, Kidnapped, Assaulted
Jesse Weinberger is an Internet Safety Expert, speaker, and the author of “The Boogeyman Exists: And He’s In Your Child’s Back Pocket”; a guide for parents and educators on how to keep children safe in a 24-7 always connected digital society. Click here to learn more. She has been teaching parents, schools, and students how to navigate online and mobile risks since 2003. Jesse is available for presentations to schools, parents, students, and organizations.
-
I spend my days teaching Internet Safety to schools, parents, and students just like you. I never have to explain to students what Ask.fm is, because you already know and chances are you have a profile. (If you don’t know what Ask.fm is – read this article for the low-down)You already know that Ask.fm is not a safe place to share information. I don’t know why some teachers and even parents treat teens and tweens like they’re stupid – clearly you’re not.
You already know that:
- Ask.fm has been linked to suicides all over the world
- Because Ask.fm is an anonymous site, lots of trolls will hide behind that anonymity and engage in nasty behavior
- Many of your friends (or you) have already been bullied. Most of the so-called bullying isn’t a big deal because you and your friends know who the person is and you just ignore it. But sometimes it gets ugly, and sometimes it’s hard to get away from. And sometimes it really hurts, and most of the time you act like it doesn’t
Dealing with Pressure
Parents constantly ask me – “if this is all true, then why do the kids keep going back onto the site, and sites like this?”. Here’s what I tell them – and if I’m wrong I want you to tell me (tweet me here). I tell parents that you like to be connected to your friends, and even when it’s overwhelming and gets annoying (or certain people get annoying), you’d rather put up with the annoying and remain connected, it’s one of your only outlets even at the best or worst of times.
Your generation has an immense amount of pressure coming from all sides. Many parents expect you to always put forward an immense amount of effort on everything. Sometimes it feels like you can’t get anything right. Then there’s the social pressure at school added to the academic pressure, added to the pressure to be a sports-kid even if you don’t want to be a sports-kid; add in thinking about college or NOT thinking about college and sometimes it feels like you want to pop.
I get it. Seriously, I get it. (PS Hang in there, it gets better. And believe it or not, your parents are there to help.)
Is Ask.fm Evil?
Then parents ask me – “why are these companies allowed to exist if they’re harmful to our kids?”. Now that’s a better question. So here’s the thing – Ask.fm did not create their platform to cause harm. I don’t believe for a second that they are malicious people, or that they’re happy when young people commit suicide or get involved in sextortion, or worse. HOWEVER, their business is NOT to care about you. Did you hear that? Their business is to make money, that’s all.
And when you are a company hoping to make millions, or ten of millions of dollars off of young people, sometimes you assume that your audience is stupid. Make no mistake, most of the companies which market to young people think that you are a bunch of morons. Don’t forget this point.
- Sneaker companies think that YOU really believe that just buying those new kicks are going to make you faster/better/stronger.
- Ladies: clothing companies think that YOU really believe that those “women’s” pants (made for a 5 year old) are going to look the same on you as they do on the photoshopped model in the ad.
- Guys: deodorant companies think that you REALLY believe that if you use their stinky products that hot chicks will maul you in an elevator.
- And Ask.fm wants you to believe that communicating online anonymously is a smart and valuable use of your time.
You’re not stupid. You see other kids all over the world committing suicide or at the very minimum getting their feelings hurt on this totally unnecessary platform. And you know that there are eleventy-gajillion other ways to communicate with each other. You certainly don’t need Ask.fm to connect to your friends – you already do that in a bunch of different way. So why do it?
What to do now
Here’s what I’m asking you to do:
- Deactivate your Ask.fm account
Log into your account, go to [Settings] in the top right hand corner of the page, go to the profile page and chose the [Disable Account] option. - Send a tweet or Instagram post to the companies who advertise on Ask.fm just to make sure that THEY know that you aren’t stupid (see list below)
Be sure to use the hashtag #dontaskfm - Spread the word to your entire social network
- Pat yourself on the back, you’ve proven that you won’t grow up to be a total jerk
Oh, and just one last thing – stop taking pictures of your junk. It’s going to land you in jail. But that’s another topic.
Now get to work!!
Let’s tell these advertisers what we think
Click each and every image below – it will retweet the message to let these companies know that they need to stop advertising on Ask.fm
4Inkjets.com
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
Petflow.com
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
BrightRoll
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
LL Bean
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
Aer Lingus
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
JustFab Online (US)
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
Just Fab – in the UK
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
PollShare
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
Seagate
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
Gilt
Click on this link to Retweet this message to your Twitter followers
Read more from the Internet Safety Blog
- VIDEO: Internet Safety: Before you buy your child a digital device – think safety
- VIDEO: Internet Safety Expert : Jesse Weinberger on WKYC-Cleveland to Discuss Cyberbullying and Internet Safety
- Internet Safety: Best Parenting Practices to Keep Children, Tweens, and Teens Safe in the Digital World
- Internet Safety for Parents: Being proactive is the only defense for your tweens, teens, and family
- Parents of teens WAKE UP! Fake Facebook account contributes to the abduction and murder of 15 year old Nichole Cable in Maine
- Entire High School Football Team Gets Suspended Because of Cyberbullying on Ask.fm
- A Cleveland Teen is Murdered After a Facebook Argument – aka Internet Safety Basics: DON’T Feed the Trolls
- California Senate Bill 568: The “Eraser Bill” Will Accidentally Hurt the Cause of Internet Safety
- Adults and Kids: Stop Being Stupid. The “Gonna-Be” Posts Are Going To Get You: Robbed, Kidnapped, Assaulted
Jesse Weinberger is an Internet Safety Expert, presenter, and the owner of OvernightGeek University. She has been teaching parents, schools, and students how to
navigate online and mobile risks since 2003. Jesse is available for presentations to schools, parents, students, and organizations. -
As an Internet Safety Expert and presenter – this is the most common question I get from parents. Generally speaking, their child is pestering them for a phone because EVERYONE else has one. The trouble is that your child is probably not exaggerating. So what should you do? In most cases you need to say NO.
And if she keeps bugging you, pour yourself a glass of wine and watch my video again. I’m here for you!! Stay strong parents. Say no!!
Read more from the Internet Safety Blog
- VIDEO: Internet Safety: Before you buy your child a digital device – think safety
- VIDEO: Internet Safety Expert : Jesse Weinberger on WKYC-Cleveland to Discuss Cyberbullying and Internet Safety
- Internet Safety: Best Parenting Practices to Keep Children, Tweens, and Teens Safe in the Digital World
- Internet Safety for Parents: Being proactive is the only defense for your tweens, teens, and family
- Parents of teens WAKE UP! Fake Facebook account contributes to the abduction and murder of 15 year old Nichole Cable in Maine
- Entire High School Football Team Gets Suspended Because of Cyberbullying on Ask.fm
- A Cleveland Teen is Murdered After a Facebook Argument – aka Internet Safety Basics: DON’T Feed the Trolls
- California Senate Bill 568: The “Eraser Bill” Will Accidentally Hurt the Cause of Internet Safety
- Adults and Kids: Stop Being Stupid. The “Gonna-Be” Posts Are Going To Get You: Robbed, Kidnapped, Assaulted
Jesse Weinberger is an Internet Safety Expert, digital strategist, instructor, and the owner of OvernightGeek University. Weinberger has created an online course for parents and families called Internet Safety for Families.She has been teaching parents, schools, and students how to navigate online and mobile risks since 2003. Jesse is available for presentations to schools, parents, students, and organizations. Email for more information
Tag
